Dave stood in front of the spider, muttering, ‘I am brave, I am brave, I am a daring lion of the kitchen!’ The arachnid twitched. Dave screamed, ‘I AM BRILLIANT!’ and tripped over his own feet, crashing into a stack of cereal boxes. The spider scurried into a crack as Dave lay there, surrounded by Frosted Flakes and self-love. ‘At least I tried,’ he whispered, then sneezed violently. The spider paused, as if considering a refund.
