Gary stared at his phone, jaw clenched. The video looped: a millennial in a neon onesie, flailing to a synthwave beat. #DanceOrDie. His living room rug had already surrendered to the chaos. ‘I can do this,’ he muttered, tugging at his shirt. It was 2023, and Gary, 47, had finally decided to be ‘viral.’
He practiced in secret, pacing his bedroom like a caged jaguar. The dance? A series of jerky headbobs and a ‘cannonball’ move that involved flinging himself sideways. His cat, Muffin, watched in silent judgment. ‘This is art,’ Gary hissed, crashing into a bookshelf. The ‘cannonball’ left a dent in the drywall.
At the town fair, Gary spotted the challenge’s originator—a twentysomething in a glitter bodysuit. The crowd hooted as Gary launched into his routine. The headbobs were sharp. The cannonball? A glorious, mid-air wobble. He landed in a puddle of ketchup, but the crowd roared. A teen snapped a video. By sunset, #GaryGoesHard had 10K views.
The next morning, Gary’s phone exploded. His mom texted: ‘Are you in a circus?’ But the dance trend? It was everywhere. Even his ex-wife’s yoga group was doing it. Gary stared at the screen, then at Muffin, who’d taken to sleeping in the dent. ‘Maybe,’ he said, ‘I’m not too old to be cool.’
