Kevin stood in his living room, fingers twitching like a caffeinated spider, as his phone played the latest TikTok dance trend. The song was called “Renegade,” and it sounded like a toddler trying to conduct an orchestra. His roommate, Jen, watched from the couch, eating cereal with a spoon shaped like a sword.
“You’re gonna break your neck,” she said, mouth full of Frosted Flakes.
“This is history, Jen!” Kevin yelled over the music, flailing his arms like a windmill in a hurricane. His left leg kicked the coffee table, sending a vase of daisies flying. They landed in a pile of old takeout containers, which promptly started a fire.
The fire department arrived, but Kevin was too busy perfecting his “Renegade bounce” to notice. He’d added a new move: the “Surrender Chicken,” which involved hopping on one foot while mimicking a poultry emergency. A crowd had gathered outside, filming him with their phones. One kid yelled, “This guy’s a genius!”
By midnight, Kevin was a meme. His dance was captioned “When your parents ask for grandkids,” and his fire-destroying vase was dubbed “The Great Daisies Exodus.” Jen, meanwhile, had started a new trend: the “Fire Exit Shuffle,” which involved sprinting out of buildings while screaming, “I’m not late, I’m fashionably delayed!”
The next day, Kevin’s mom called. “You’re on my sister’s TikTok feed,” she said. “Why are you hopping like a lunatic?”
“It’s a cultural movement, Mom,” Kevin said, as he tripped over his own feet and face-planted into a bucket of ice cream. “Trust the process.”
Jen high-fived him. “You’re a legend, Kevin. A tragic, ice-cream-drenched legend.”
