Kevin stared at his phone, jaw clenched like he’d bitten into a lime. The TikTok trend was clear: the ‘Boomer Bounce,’ a dance where you mimed pushing a grocery cart while reciting 1980s pop lyrics. His followers had dwindled to three people—his mom, a lost dog, and a guy named Gary who’d once sent him a suspiciously detailed email about quantum physics.
He practiced in front of his mirror, arms flailing like a windmill with a panic attack. ‘I’m not a boomer,’ he muttered, ‘I’m a… a… trendsetter!’ The dance video uploaded at 3 a.m. showed him tripping over his own feet, somehow managing to spill cereal on his headset.
Then came the DMs. ‘Kevin, your dance is giving ‘I’m a survivor’ meets ‘I’m a failure,’” read one from his cousin, who’d once tried to monetize a ‘professional napper’ YouTube channel. But then—miracle!—a clip of Kevin’s attempt was repurposed into a meme. Suddenly, he was ‘The Cart King,’ trending alongside a guy who’d danced with a flamingo.
At the local grocery store, Kevin strutted down the cereal aisle, arms pumping. A grandma in a neon wig stared. ‘You’re doing it wrong,’ she said, then launched into a flawless Boomer Bounce, cart wheels screeching. Kevin froze. His phone buzzed: 10K likes. He smiled, then tripped over a display of soup cans. The crowd roared. For once, he wasn’t the punchline.
